Translation: A backpack of dreams
I now have 9 days until my departure... 9! But it hasn't even hit me yet!
What's causing me to be anxious more than anything else right now is that I have less than 4 days until I hear from Glimpse to see whether or not I've been accepted to their Correspondents Program. If I have, I will be granted a $600 stipend for my writing and will have a feature article as well as a dilemma essay published on Glimpse as well as The Matador, the most popular traveling website in the world.
The past few days especially, I've been on a travel writing binge. Twitter has me hooked up to Glimpse and The Matador as well as all the various blogs and other smaller sites that are connected to them such as bravenewtraveler.com which is more interested in the inner spirituality of people that is explored while they are traveling. I've been reading, then "like"ing and "retweet"ing in madwoman form. I'm trying to soak up everything I can not only to learn about some of the experiences I may have while traveling, but also how to write about these incredible experiences that may daunt me past the ability to use words.
But at points I have had to pull myself away from the computer to stop doing all my research and daydreaming about the adventures and writing pieces to come. Today was quite busy in my preparations, both emotionally and materialistically.
Yesterday was my little sister, Lucy's 3rd birthday. She is only the second youngest of my sibling clan made up of 5, but she is arguably the most adorable of us all. I was able to go to lunch with her, our brother, Taylor and our sister Emma as well a our Dad for little Lucy's birthday celebration. She was quite excited to see me when I got out of the car, but her excitement jolted to a whole new level of euphoria when she saw me take the things wrapped in shiny pink paper and bows out of the passenger seat. "PREZENNNNNNNTZ!!!!", as she said multiple times, even just before she was able to tear the pretty pink paper to shreds and reveal the ladybug board game and a book, The Grouchy Ladybug.
After lunch we all walked back to the cars and I said goodbye to Lucy first, giving her "big lovies" as I wouldn't be seeing her for a long, long time. She grasped her little arms around my neck gave me kisses and giggled as I swung her around and plopped her in her car seat telling me "love you too". But Lucy was the easy one. Emma doesn't like to say goodbye. I had already explained to her a little that I would be gone for a long time and would miss her very much, just so that she would cooperate and smile when we took pictures, but as I hugged her outside the car explaining how much I loved her and that I would maybe see her at Christmas, she could only play with my necklace and part the waves of my hair to reveal the mole on my neck she's always searched for. I told her that I would send her a very special present from the very far-away city of Paris for her 5th birthday, and that Daddy had something cool on his computer so that even though I was far away she would still be able to see me on the screen and tell me all about school and the fun trips she'll go on. She finally told me she loved me too and received my big kisses, then promptly stated that I needed to brush my hair, and that she would see me tomorrow.
Goodbyes don't usually get me worked up, but there was something different about this one. I can't stand when my mother or anyone else gets emotional about my leaving, I'm not emotional about leaving any of them, because I know they will all be here when I get back, and for the most part no one will have changed very much. But my sisters, my baby siblings, they have incredible growing and changing to do, and I will be absent for a lot of it. I've already been absent for a lot as I've been away at school since Lucy was born, but now I don't even have the option to come home and see them on weekends. All of this came down heavy upon me as I finished tightening Emma's car seat. There's a fear in me that I will be forgotten, or that they won't remember or really know how much I love them as their big sister. This specific fear has been the only force strong enough to pull me out of my daydreams back into the present moment and contentment with the life I have in this present moment. I can only hope that the rest of my family, and skype, allow me to not be so absent in my baby siblings' lives while I'm on this amazing adventure I will be leaving for in just over one week.
I drove home in a saddened daze, but as soon as I walked in the door, Grandma was ready to go shopping for luggage. We purchased a suitcase that I could easily fit myself inside being the contortionist that I am, some adaptors, cocoon travel sheets and other gadgets, but my favorite purchase is my new REI Pack. It's love. REI brand women's Venturi 40 Pack in granite gray highlighted in a very becoming, perfect ocean blue. I want to sleep in it as I'm already back to dreaming about all the different planes, trains, boats, trams and whatever other modes of transportation it will be following me on, to only God knows where. Vienna, Istanbul, Munich, Oslo - but that's just this trip, just this blog. When I return, maybe it will make it to Swaziland, or Bolivia, definitely Canada. Just this backpack alone already carries so many of my dreams.
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